For the last year or so, I’ve been struggling with a decision that’s been harder for me make than I anticipated. There are, for me, few positives. I don’t think I’ll gain much from what I’m about to do. I also don’t think I’ll face too many consequences, but maybe I’ll be surprised in that regard.
And that’s what gives me pause. Am I about to be blindsided? Will I find out that there are friends or family that don’t “approve,” that have lost respect for me? I don’t think so. I would like to think that the people who have chosen to be my friend would continue to feel about me the same way they always have. And my family? Well, we can’t choose family, for the most part, but I have to assume that they’ll still love me.
Because, for me personally, being bisexual hasn’t been that big of a deal. It’s there, obviously, an aspect of my personality. I am attracted to men and women. Pretty simple. While I do feel like this gives me a distinct advantage over people who only like one other gender, whether it’s their own or another, I don’t really think about it too much.
Until I actually started paying attention more and more to what’s happening all around me. I don’t think I’m overstating things when I say that the hostility, the baseless rage, the threat of violence, which has always been directed at the LGBTQ community, has intensified in the last few years. I don’t mean to say that more people are hating gay folks. I honestly think that more people are accepting (or at least apathetic) about people’s sexuality now than ever before (in this country’s history). The problem is that the people who are viciously opposed against the LGBTQ community are aware that they’re fading into irrelevancey. That in one or two more generations, they’re going to be even more reduced in number. They are aware that this might be their last chance to oppress and persecute their friends, family members and neighbors because they’re so ignorant, fearful and hateful.
And I feel like a coward. Not that I’ve hidden my support. I’ve always tried to be very visible in that regard. Volunteering for the Pride committee at work, making donations, trying to make space for other people to actually share their stories. But always as an “ally,” an outsider, someone that can safely recuse themselves and step back into “normalcy.” I can pass as straight. I never have to open myself up to anyone else’s prejudice. I never have to worry that I’ll be treated differently because I’m attracted to men. Even within the community, bi-folks often seem to be ignored, disregarded. They don’t “count,” for some of the same reasons I’ve mentioned above. I’m married to a woman, I’m not in an active relationship with a man, so I’m straight.
But that’s not true. I’m not straight. I’ve never been straight. I’m only hurting myself by not being honest about who I am. And I can’t keep going through life feeling like a coward, like an imposter, like I’m hiding. I want to be counted. I want to stand up and say that I’m bisexual, that I’m going to keep fighting for the rights of people like me, but not apart, not off to the side, but out.
I’m bisexual. I believe that no-one should be denied basic human rights based on their sexuality. I cannot, absolutely cannot, understand the lack of compassion that has gripped this country, the level of hatred being directed at a small group of people who are just trying to live their lives to their best of their abilities.
I’m still doing it. Still putting myself outside.
Our lives.
We are just trying to live without fear that the people closest to us will turn against us, just because of who we want to be with.
I’m proud of the person I am and I won’t deny who I am.
Happy Pride Month, y’all.
– D –
dylancharles.net 