The Search

I’m always searching for what I think might be the worst movie ever made. It has to fulfill a number of criteria to qualify.

1. It has to be offensive. It can’t just be poorly made, with bad lighting and bad acting. It needs to offend me on some level. If I’m not angry by the end, then it doesn’t count.

2. It needs to be poorly made. As bad as say, Battlefield Earth is, it’s not badly made. It’s got some visuals to it, by golly. If it’s going to qualify as the worst movie ever, it needs to have booms in frame. It needs to be so poorly lit that I can’t see what’s going on. There needs to be a definite lack of quality present.

3. It has to have no redeeming value. There should be no chance that I learn anything from this morning. There should be no point where I say, “Well, at least it looks like they had fun while they were making this.” From every aspect, the worst movie ever needs to be a waste of everyone’s time. If I see that Alan Smithee is the director, I know I’m on the right track.

Those are a few of the basic criteria needed. I watched a movie yesterday that almost qualifies. It certainly comes close. I was angry, sad and a little sick when it finished, but it was missing something. If it was just a little bit worse…I’m still looking.

And I will find it.

Dylan Charles

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Filed under Pop Culturing: Movies, Books, Comic Books and Other Arts

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