Clothes Make the Monster

I take my Halloween costumes very seriously. It takes a lot of prep-time to make sure that everything is perfect. It’s important that you never break character once in costume. If you do, the illusion is broken and Halloween loses all of its magic.

For instance, this year I’m going as a private eye. So, for the last two months, I’ve been reading detective novels in order to learn the lingo. Because of the intensive nature of this training, the speech patterns have become writ into my brain and I’ll be able to make wry, cynical comments laced with slang like, “frail” and “moll” and “dame” at the drop of a hat. Consider it a kind of voluntary brainwashing!

I’m also going to need the right clothes. So I’ve spent my time in the Goodwill and thriftshops. Not only are the clothes cheaper there, but they’re more likely to be authentic than something that you’d find in a normal retail setting. If you can’t find a pair of suspenders that would be found on a real 1940’s private detective, then you’ll need to start from scratch.

I’m also shaving off the goatee, plucking my eyebrows, cutting my hair and engaging in some light cosmetic surgery to better fit the model of a guy in the 1940’s.

Once I get my firearms license and buy a Luger from the rather shady, elderly German gentleman that lives over in JP, my costume will be all set.

Just remember: It’s no fun if you don’t take your Halloween costume deadly serious. Spend that extra time to research the fabrics that would be used in your mad scientist costume. A lab coat made of 100% polyester wouldn’t be safe around an errant Bunsen burner! Be sure to read up on original Vlad the Impaler so that you know whether or not your accent truly depicts how Count Dracula would speak, were he alive today.

Because when it’s time to be scary, authenticity is what truly counts.

Dylan Charles

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