The Heart of Darkness

One of my (many) overly ambitious goals is to find the worst movie ever made. I hear at least one of you muttering to yourself, “But taste is a subjective thing, how can he possibly hope to find ‘the worst’ of anything?”

To which I reply, “Ah-HA, I have a foolproof system!”

I tell people the worst movie I’ve ever seen and wait for their response. If they blanch and turn white, then I know they haven’t seen anything worse. If, however, they counteract with their own worst movie, then I have a new lead.

For the longest time, no-one was able to top my worst film. There was agreement from all comers that what I’d seen was pretty reprehensible. I’d tell you what it is, but I’ll just link here instead and save myself the typing.

However, the other day, someone had a response for me. He told me about a movie that he hadn’t seen, but he’d heard about it. It’s a movie of almost mythical atrociousness, something only exists in legend. It sounds violent, disgusting and needless shocking. It sounds like a movie that would turn my stomach.

And I want to see it.

Understand this; I don’t think I’m going to get a single shred of enjoyment out of watching it. I think I’ll even end up feeling worse about myself as a person. But there’s a part of me that needs to see if it truly is THAT bad, if it is the worst movie ever made. Every time I watch a truly vile movie, I get a little more desensitized to that crap. Another tiny piece of me that can judge wholesome entertainment becomes necrotic and falls off.

So I’m a little worried about that. I’d tell you what movie, but I’m ashamed of my interest in it. I keep worrying at it in my head; it’s the loose tooth that won’t fall out and I can’t leave it alone.

Dylan Charles