I have never really wanted to go into one of those haunted houses that pop up this time of year. You know the ones; they advertise every five seconds on TV between September 1st and October 31st, the commercials always show screaming frat boys, and there are a lot of pumpkin graphics while the guy who also announces for local monster truck shows does the voice-over.
The idea of them, their very foundation, doesn’t appeal to me. I can’t imagine anything less scary than a large group of people being herded through a maze while teenagers with masks on jump out and scare you.
My idea for a similar attraction is the following: you and a friend (no more than one or two others) drive out into the middle of nowhere, where a house sits, boarded up and dilapidated. There is no festival atmosphere. This is no party. Just a house.
There is no pre-planned path. You explore at will on the surrounding property and in the house itself. The staff lie in wait within.
What happens is determined by a survey you filled out beforehand cataloging your worst fears. Scared of dogs? There will be dogs. Scared of Leatherface? He’ll be there. Your fears will be manifest.
The experience ends when you want it to, although, if done properly, you’ll want to end it quickly.
THAT appeals to me. That is what I want. Now someone just needs to make it for me.
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