Tag Archives: Dylan is a bit odd

Announcing Announcements for Halloween

While I’ve been away from the blog for a while, I just wanted to reassure ya’ll that I’m back and from now to Halloween, there’s going to be an entry a day (if not more).

I’m bringing back reviews. I have one or two beer reviews on the back burner that are Halloween specific. I’m also going to start posting movie reviews on Blog Critics again, if they’ll let me. If not, I’ll just post them here. I’m going to be sticking to independent, low budget movies for two reasons:

1. They’re more fun for me to watch and review.

2. Because sometimes there are truly awesome movies buried in the five thousand low budget zombie movies that get released every year and they deserve to be watched.

Also, my super-secret-I-was-afraid-to-mention-it-because-I-assumed-I-would-never-actually-do-it Project is almost, ALMOST, off the ground. Wait and see at this location for more information.

Halloween is going to be awesome. Or, at least, there’ll be a lot of blog entries to read even if it’s not awesome.

Dylan Charles

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Closer Now

It’s moving closer now, moving sly and subtle, a thing you only notice out of the corner of your eye.

Today, for example, I was in the CVS, shopping for my usual lunch of Arizona Iced Tea and a bag of gummy bears. And something felt…off. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I froze in the middle of the hair-care aisle, my senses tingling.

I whirled around, but there was nothing there. My heart started pounding wildly. In that overbright white of the florescents I saw something flash by again in the corner of my eye. I tried to move with it, tried to catch a glimpse, but it was gone again, a whisper in the aether between Worlds.

I pulled out my iPod and switched to the camera app. This time I would be prepared. There again, that darting insect scampering through my periphery. A snapshot, blurry and indistinct:

 

It took me a moment, but I realized what they were: faces. Horrible faces, melted, shifting forms that did not describe the likeness of any creature alive, but only those things that lurked in the imaginations of the damned.

And then, while I still processed the images on my iPod, I heard a scuttling from behind. Again I spun in place and clicked the shutter button with no regard for framing or focusing. What I captured chilled me to my bones, for I now knew what was coming. 

It grins from the top shelf of the gum section.

Halloween is coming.

Dylan Charles

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St. Patrick’s Day

I’ve never paid much attention to St. Patrick’s Day. At most, in middle school, I’d wear green just to make sure I didn’t get decked. Since then, I haven’t given it much thought.

That is, until I moved to Boston, which is apparently the epi-center of all things St. Patrick. I was already concerned about what would happen to the city given the combined factors of a rich and sturdy Irish heritage running through Boston’s history and an inordinately heavy concentration of colleges. Both things combined can only lead to ruffians carousing all night long, playing their rock musics far too loud. So I’ve been worried.

But my fears grew tenfold when I went to the bank today

So much green. So many green hats. So many paper shamrocks festooning the roughly five dozen Irish bahrs that litter Washington Street. I passed many people with their alcohol in hand and green clover on their cheeks. These are ominous tidings. A dark (green) cloud hovers over the city and come nightfall, I worry that this cloud will spill open and a fermented tide of drunken, raucous college students will flood these streets drowning any passersby in a sea of fermented beverages and illicit pharmaceuticals.

I will board up the windows and try and ride it out.

Heaven help me.

Dylan Charles

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The Myth Hunter

I’ve always wanted to be a professional skeptic. I want to be the guy who goes to haunted houses and scoffs the ghosts out of existence. I want to go to the Loch Ness and harrumph the monster into oblivion. I want to track down Bigfoot and bah-humbug him back to Hell.

I’ve briefly flirted with my dream before, such as when I busted a ghost without even having to travel to the location. However, in the end, my sheer, overwhelming laziness keeps me from being a true myth buster. So I tried to keep my focus on local phenomona, on critters that are in my own backyard.

I attempted to track down a reclusive hellwolf (Location: Durham, North Carolina), but all I managed to get was a single, badly taken photograph:

Even after extensive image enhancement, I was able to neither confirm nor deny the existence of such a creature. I’m about as effective a ghost hunter as those doofuses on the teevee. So my track record isn’t exactly stellar. I’ve got one ghost that never could have existed even if ghosts did exist and a hideously photoshopped snapshot.

But I want to get back into the game. I want to find a local legend and skeptic the hell out of it. I want to interview people who have seen the creature and learn to hide my smug disbelief. I want to examine ancient places and poke around in dusty cellars. I want to be…The Myth Hunter.

But first, I need a myth and those seem to be in short supply nowadays. So I’m going to hit the books. I’m going to find some dark, evil, Bostonian critter and I’m going to expose it, right here, on this website. And you’re gonna have front row seats to the monstrosity.

Stay tuned!

Dylan Charles

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On Boxing

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’m going to take up boxing this year. As I also mentioned in that earlier post, it’s because I watched Rocky a whole mess of times. That’s only about 90% of the reason why however.

I’ve never been in shape, except for that one time that I took a running class in college. That was about four or five years ago now and I only dimly remember what it’s like to run from Point A to Point B without contemplating a nap midway. Coupling this with a series of life decisions that at best could be called “disastrous for my health,” and I am not the pillar of godly healthiness that you might think I am.

So that’s part of it.

“But Dylan!” I hear you saying, “There are other ways to get into shape besides having someone punch you in the head repeatedly!”

“That is true,” I’d say, as I pat you on the head condescendingly, “But I’m using my built-in obsessively competitive nature to bolster my desire to get into shape. One will inform the other. I know that I’m incapable of just exercising. So I’ve got to give myself end goals and a reason to get into shape.”

As part of this process, I’m going to be keeping a journal of sorts on the blog. So you’ll be with me up to the point that I throw my recently purchased boxing gloves on the floor saying, “I quit!”

I think we’re going to have fun!

Later today, I’m buying my first set of running shoes and we’ll see how it goes from there.

Dylan Charles

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A Long Walk

Yesterday, in spite of the snowy conditions, my work remained open. Since I am committed to my job, I solemnly and stoically prepared for the trip. Gloves, hat, heavy coat: all would be needed to keep the deadly conditions at bay. I made sure that I packed plenty of food. I narrowly avoided starving to death on a similar adventure only a few weeks ago. I vowed that I would not let that happen again.

Emily decided to come along with me, since her bookstore had closed for the day and she had nothing else to do on that fateful day.

We bid farewell to Isaac and left the comforts of our apartment. It was 11am.

We marched through snow that was up to our knees. The blizzard had not quite abated, so snow and wind assaulted us on our long trudge to the bus stop. Unfortunately, our approach was blocked by snow drifts that towered over (Emily’s) head. We would have to walk a block to the next stop, where a clear path could be seen. But there was no bus. So we decided then and there to keep walking. A decision we would both live to regret.

The walk lasted longer than we anticipated. Sometimes…I think we are out there, still walking to that bus stop. I know that, in the darkest reaches of my mind, I am still walking that long walk.

I had vowed to get to work and I would keep that vow, no matter the cost. For forty minutes we walked toward Kenmore Station, all the time checking behind us for the bus. Emily’s spirits remained high, but I worried for both of our lives in this wintery deathland.

But then, our luck changed and the 57 showed up, scooping us up and carrying us along far more quickly than we would have been able to move on our own. It seemed salvation was at hand. Until we saw the police car that blocked the road, so close and yet so far from our destination. Emily and I looked at one another and made the decision to abandon the bus. We and twenty others left: lost nomads walking across white land. We passed a tree split in two by the weight of the ice upon it. Only careful movements kept the tree from falling on us and our lives were spared that day.

By the time we reached Kenmore Station, it was 12:30. By fortuitous fortune, the 60 bus was waiting there and we boarded. So began the second leg of our trip. We were almost there. Or so I thought.

But the driver of the 60 bus received new orders that day and she was told to abandon us at the Macy. She bid us farewell and we headed out into the snow one…last…time.

We pushed through snow that came up to our chests when we walked on the sidewalks. We walked in the road and nearly were taken to oblivion by passing snow plows. Through it all, we never stopped moving. We kept moving forward.

Then there, through the shadows of death, we saw the mall loom. Struggling now against still deeper snow drifts, we pushed on. I crawled on my belly, spitting out curses and hate at this mall that dared make me come in. I rolled down the snow bank, landing in the road. And still I came.

I stood on weary legs, my hands balled into fists.

With hatred in my eyes and fire burning into my very soul, I launched into the air and dropkicked the mall.

We had arrived.

Dylan Charles

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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: An Allegory for the Second World War

Rankin Bass’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has long been considered a Christmas classic. It’s not truly Christmastime until you’ve gotten “We’re a Couple of Misfits“stuck in your head. But what most people don’t realize is that this Christmas singalong funtime is actually an in-depth allegory for the Second World War.

Santa and his elves represent the Nazi leadership; their sinister reign represses everyone who is different. Herbie and Rudolph are both examples of people who do not meet Santa’s criteria. Rudolph’s nose marks him as an imperfect freak. He is not fit to join in with the other reindeer and their reindeer games. He is ostracized by the others and flees.

Herbie wants to be a dentist and is also marked by the Santa and his henchman as being a “misfit.” It’s interesting to note that while Herbie’s occupational desires are singled out as the reason for why he’s a misfit, he’s also one of the few elves who looks different. The other elves are bald with pinpoint eyes, while Herbie has long, blond hair and big, blue eyes. However, Herbie is lucky to have escaped with his life. During their performance of “We Are Santa’s Elves” another elf (who is taller and wears glasses) is shoved into a burlap sack. Another elf, fatter than the others, is struck over the head and falls to the ground and doesn’t move.

But while Rudolph and Herbie are dramatic examples of Santa’s gestapo tactics to enforce uniformity, it turns out Santa’s been at this for years. During their travels, Rudolph and Herbie come across The Island of Misfit toys. These toys have been deemed “misfits” by Santa and are unfit for children. They are rounded up and sent to a distant island: alone, with no-one to play with them.

However, salvation comes from two sides: a brash and boisterous adventurer named Yukon Cornelius (obviously a stand-in for America) and the Bumble, a giant monster known for eating people and reindeers (obviously a stand-in for Soviet Russia). Yukon, Herbie and Rudolph must save everyone from the Soviet Bumble and, in the process, upending Santa’s wicked regime. The misfits are misfits no longer and Santa is properly chastised, while the Soviets have had their teeth pulled.

This telling of the Second World War has downplayed the Soviet’s role in the downfall of Nazi Germany, even casting them as the villains of the piece, but given that Rudolph was created during the height of the Cold War, this should come as a surprise to no one.

This classic is a history lesson wrapped up in a Christmas carol and it’s time we recognize it as such. There are unfound layers in this work and it remains to be seen what Rankin Bass’s other works have to tell us.

Dylan Charles

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Explorations into New

Since I’ve started working at a bookstore, I’ve reading a lot more than I have in years. It helps that I’ve gotten into a reading competition with Emily (I’m totally winning), but really it’s mostly that I’ve been working at [REDACTED].

Not only do I have discounts aplenty, but I also have access to “library loans”. I can borrow any hardcover or trade paperback for two weeks.

This has lead to me reading things I might not necessarily read unprovoked, like, say, The Room or a John Grisham novel (gasp!). I’ve never been very good about going outside of my boundaries when it comes to books. Crime novels, horror, some sci-fi and fantasy and the occasional science book and that’ll do me.

Actually, that probably applies to every aspect of my life, now that I think about it. “Adventurous” and “willing to try new things” are not expressions generally used to describe Dylans. It’s less that I don’t think that new things can be good and more that, if I already like something, I don’t see much point in trying to find something else that I also like. My needs for books, movies and foods are sated, why go for more? That’s just gluttony.

Over the last few years, that’s changed, slowly. Now, at least, I want to try new things. Whether or not I actually do so is another matter, but at least I want to now.

Dylan Charles

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The Life and Times of Dylan Charles

I figure it’s about time for an update on what I’m up to, especially considering that it’s been a long time since there was an update of any kind.

I’m employed again, working for [BOOKSTORE]. There are few places where I’d fit better, I think, than a bookstore. Even ignoring the fact that I like books a whole much, there’s something innately soothing about putting things to order. One of my favorite parts of it is just shelving books, putting them in their right places.

Also: customer service. When I’m working the register, I immediately put on my southern accent. For whatever reason, dealing with folks is easier if I take up a persona, no matter how slight. I hide my anxieties behind a drawl and a twang.

Other than work, there’s not a lot going on. Writing has fallen a bit off, as it always does when I get busy with other things. Right now, for the moment, life seems to be about putting down new roots and settling into place.

I do have a story idea that I’ve been toying with, but I can’t really figure out what to do with it just yet. We’ll see what I do with it.

That’s it.

Dylan Charles

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It’s Halloween Month!

It’s finally, finally October and I’m all kinds of giddy.

I’m still not really sure what I’m going to do for the month, aside from the vague plans that I’ve mentioned from time to time.

I’ll do my best to post something vaguely Halloweeny as the month goes on though.

For me, it’s a time when my oddities and curious hobbies don’t seem so strange as everyone else begins to take them on as well. Now everyone is reading and watching horror and talkin’ about the macabre. I don’t have to hide (so much) anymore.

It’s even greater for me since I peddle horror (or try to). It’s not just my time to fit in, it’s my time to shine.

So, to start with, let’s just rehash the past, cause I’m tired and lazy. Here are some Halloween themed entries I’ve written so far:

Anticipation

Beyond the Veil

A Rough Beast Slouches Toward October to be Born

Horror Movie Primer: Monsters

Hopefully these will help get you into the Halloween spirit and we’ll be on the same page.

Dylan Charles

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