Category Archives: Horror

Movie Review: Evil Dead (Remake)

Last night, I went to see the Evil Dead remake and I was less than impressed.

For those that don’t know, the original The Evil Dead is a horror cult classic that exists in its own realm of awesome. It is a frantic, kinetic, slapstick gore-tastic explosion of excess. The sequels that followed are less innovative, but far more fun and added more to the sub-layers of pop culture than the first. The first was a horror movie that was as much informed by the Three Stooges as it was by George Romero and drive-in horror flicks.

The remake was, in a lot of ways, going to fail before it even got out of the gate. You cannot, absolutely cannot, remake the magic that makes a cult movie a cult movie. And nor do you want to. A cult movie is popular with only a small portion of the movie-going audience, hence the name. The studio is not going to go out of their way to try and please a very cranky, persnickety cluster of fans.

So the remake was far less frantic, more reserved and more by-the-numbers, more tailored for the average Friday night ticket holder. It followed closely along in the footsteps of the original movie and every “cabin in the woods” formula movie that followed.

But the more I thought about it, the more I began to consider the idea that the remake was, in a sly way, tapping into the same ideas that the first The Evil Dead did. It was violent. Ridiculously so. Almost Black Knight violent. It even made me wince once or thrice. Much in the way the first The Evil Dead reveled in the gooshy red stuff, the remake over-indulged as well, but catered to an audience that has been emotionally stunted on a steady diet of Saw and Hostel movies.

And as it progressed, Evil Dead became steadily more over the top and more absurd. At the time, when I saw duct tape routinely used as the cure-all for injuries, including, but not limited to, a severed arm, I thought that there was a very desperate or very ignorant screenwriter at play. But now, in retrospect, I think there were just screenwriters at play, trying to tread a very careful line between the goofy, over-the-top slapstick violence of every horror movie from the 80′s and the grim, ultra real, ultra gritty torture horror that has come to, disturbingly, dominate the market in the last ten years.

I hesitate to call Evil Dead a good movie, but I am willing to give it more credit than I initially gave it. If you’re a fan of the original or of 80′s horror in general (Hello Re-Aimator fans), give it a spin, keep an open mind and see it as an amalgam of the now and then.

I give it one, over-amorous tree.

-D-

3 Comments

Filed under Horror

Just Down Downs Road

In spite of the fact that I do not believe in monsters, the supernatural or Lovecraftian horrors, I will still go out of my way to try and find them. I’ve gone to Boston Commons trying to find the numerous ghosts that are supposed to have been sighted there. I’ve journeyed down abandoned stairwells hidden away in the walls of the bookstore I worked at.

And now I’ve walked down the legendary Downs Road. There are a few blog entries already written on the subject and the road has worked itself into a few book on haunted New England locations, but that’s not how I first found out about it. A friend of mine claims to have had his own spooky experiences on the road involving a dream catcher and he has been wanting to go back.

Now, we’ve been wanting to go down the Downs Road for a year and a half now, but haven’t had the time or the resources until recently. If you don’t live in New England, you may not be aware that less than two weeks ago, three feet of snow were dumped on the whole region. Snow and rain were also forecast for the whole day. But that didn’t matter, because we were goin to hunt monsters and ghosts and redneck hillbillies and whatever else might be lurking on the road.

Because the stories aren’t really clear what lives on that road. There are stories of ghosts and stories of malformed hillbillies and stories of a four foot tall bigfoot. There’s no one thing that ties together the stories except for creeped out hikers and scary experiences.

My friend, a third friend and myself all went out at around 5 yesterday in the hopes that on our way back it would be truly dark and we could get proper scared. To access the road, you need to drive to Hampden, Connecticut, to the end of a residential street that ends in a cul de sac. At the end of Downs Road, there’s a second cul de sac that’s located one town over, in Bethany.

We marched through snowy woods in snow over a foot thick while we got more and more soaked in the rain. We came across strange tracks in the snow that seemed to belong to some large, three toed creature. But I’ve spent enough time in the country to know that I know nothing about animal tracks. What look like monster tracks to a city slicker like me are most likely tracks made by squirrels that have altered as the snow melts, making the tracks appear larger than they were at the outset.

We heard the occasional owl and saw foot prints from other people hiking through, some of which stopped abruptly in the middle of nowhere, but I’m going to chalk that up to the tracks merely fading as time went on.

We explored the old ruins and the stone walls that cross the countryside. It’s eerie, there’s no doubt about that. It’s so quiet and the little bits and pieces of someone’s failed attempts to colonize the woods are not exactly uplifting. That’s what unnerved me the most; it was a reminder of a time when someone could walk into those woods and never come out again, when the wilderness spanned much further than two cul de sacs, and a body could get lost forever in the wilds.

We walked the length of Downs Road and back again and we saw and heard nothing of note. We were soaking wet, exhausted and ready to make the two hour drive back to Boston. On the way back, we reflected on the sobering realization of an era long lost and the reminders of our own fragility in the face of the unforgiving wilderness.

Or we belted out Weird Al songs while eating junk food.

D-

1 Comment

Filed under Horror

The Magnum Opus (Entry VIII)

I want to write a book of absurd length, of bizarre depth and of unspeakable horrors.

I have an idea in mind, but I think it would take a year just to get it started. I don’t know if it would be any good. That’s not really the point anyway. I want to make something of such scope and of such lunatic vision that people look up and stare in wonder.

And, like I said, I have an idea.

It needs to span decades and cover a cast of characters that are almost innumerable. It needs to be far reaching…and yet….so intimate. It needs to tighten its focus down onto the smallest individual while still covering the entire spectrum of humanity.

I think about it, on occasion, but I’ve only written a few lines. I can’t really start it. Not now. I’m not ready.

But, one day, I’ll pick up the pen and I’ll start in earnest. There will be more than just a few lines on the paper. There’ll be reams of paper, spent and spillt on this work.

Some day.

-D-

2 Comments

Filed under Horror

Our Monsters (Entry VII)

Through the years, you can see the evolution of our fears. In the 30′s and 40′s, there were vampires, werewolves and mummies. The old world monsters, the creatures we brought over in wooden sailing ships. They were beasts that had been haunting the imagination for centuries.

By the 50′s and 60′s, we had outgrown them and moved on to Atomic Horrors and Aliens. We feared what our science had wrought. Giant ants and nuclear monsters. Creatures that had mutated and grown out of control. Creatures from the edge of the galaxy that had come thousands of light years to do us wrong.

In the late 60′s and 70′s, things had changed once again. We were scared of the occult and Satanism. We viewed ourselves as a morally bankrupt culture that was on the verge of moral collapse. The End of Days was upon us. Likewise, there was the rise of the Slasher. He was human, for the most part, and stalked Suburbia. He wielded a knife (or machete or chainsaw or something else pointy) and cut hard and deep.

But by the 80′s, horror had changed its tone, yet again. The Slasher ruled supreme, but he was not the real star. He was the vehicle for the gore. Gooey red stuff splashed across the screen in great gouts. Vicious murders and violent slashings, arms, limbs and eyeballs everywhere.

And, by the 90′s, we had grown jaded. We were cynical and looked upon Jason and Freddy the same way a teenager would look at his chldhod fears of the boogeyman. Scream defined our views of the cinematic world.

And now, we live in the aftermath. We don’t watch horror movies to be scared anymore. We watch them for the violence, the gore, the torture. Hostel and Saw are the new rulers. Or…they were. Their day seems to be fading, to be replaced by…what? The found-movie genre? Japanese horror knock-offs?

What is to come?

I don’t know.

And it’s exciting.

-D-

3 Comments

Filed under Horror

Cabin in the Woods: Worst Horror Movie Ever (Entry VI)

As a horror movie, Cabin in the Woods is pretty terrible. It’s hilarious, well-acted and my favorite movie to come out this year, but it’s a terrible horror movie.

It’s similar to Scream in a lot of ways. There’s a lot of winking and nodding at the audience, but where Scream decided to be scary, Cabin in the Woods went down a different trail.

I like to think of the two movies as two sides of the same coin: a reverent acknowledgement of horror movies. Scream was constrained, somewhat, by the fact that it was still trying to be terrifying and grounded in a real world. Cabin in the Woods just laughed and away it went. There were nods and smiles to Evil Dead and Hellraiser and The Ring and every slasher movie ever made. It was a movie that felt like it was made by people who knew and loved the genre and weren’t afraid to make fun of it along the way.

They stripped horror bare and showed us what it really was: it’s our fears and our nightmares imprinted on celluloid. When we go to the movies and watch them to be afraid, we’re not just trying to be entertained. We’re trying to exorcise the demons from a time when we were lost and afraid in the woods and we didn’t know what terrors the shadows could hold.

That is the beauty of horror. It lets us be afraid in a safe place, a warm place, with other people and friends.

And Cabin in the Woods is a hurrah to that. It has us look at those celluloid monsters and peels back at the shadows and lets us laugh at our fears.

In no way is Cabin in the Woods scary, which it makes it a terrible horror movie, but it’s of the same spirit and gives us the backbone we need to look into the darkness and just…laugh.

-D-

5 Comments

Filed under Horror

Mass-Produced Horror (Entry III)

While watching the remake of My Bloody Valentine (not the 3D version, because beer reviewing and 3D blood splatter don’t make for good companions) I decided that Hollywood will never again make a movie that can legitimately frighten me. They might be able to make me vaguely uneasy or jump in surprise, but they will never scare me.

The last time a movie actually gave me the out and out willies was Anti-Christ, a movie made in Europe somewhere. It was weird, controversial and, I’m assuming here, was not in the business of being a blockbuster.

I need weird. I need unpredictable. I need unrelenting. I need discomfort.

I’m bored by movies that spend half their set-up on characters that are tropes so worn out that you can see the seams and then just try and kill them off in the most creative way possible. It’s boring and tedious and I want something new. 

It’s the complete absence of imagination that frustrates me and you need to have imagination to make a creative work do what it is intended to do. You will never be effective if you’re remaking horror movies from the 80′s.

I hate just bashing on Hollywood because I believe, for all its flaws, it’s a system that still makes some great movies and a lot of good movies. But Jesus, when was the last time they made a truly inventive and scary horror movie?

Said the man who immediately went back to watching My Bloody Valentine.

-D-

2 Comments

Filed under Horror

It’s on the Air

You can’t sense it, but I can. I step outside and I can smell it, hovering on the fringes, hanging back from the senses; that lingering odor of decay in a basement that promises something hidden under the floor. You don’t notice it.

But it’s coming.

It’s in the way the shadows are cast now; Longer, darker, stretched thinner like tension in a darkened alley when you see a slow movement behind that dumpster. You don’t see it, not like I do.

But it’s coming.

In the back of your mind it tickles; a fingernail running down your spine, the breath of a whisper on your ear in the middle of the night. It’s the hum in the air around a downed power-line. You ignore the feeling.

But it’s still coming.

Be prepared….

It’s almost Halloween.

-D-

Leave a Comment

Filed under Horror

Learning the History

If there’s one thing that I’m particularly weak on, it’s my horror history. I don’t read a lot of horror to start and I read even less of the older examples of the genre. Sure, I’ll pick up some pulps or read more Lovecraft than can fill the forgotten tomb city of R’lyeh, but for the most part I stick to mysteries and detective novels and anything written by Stephen King.

But I think it’s long past time for me to go back to the old classics and relearn the old ways. I started with Lovecraft, because he is a compelling author, if stylistically repetitive after awhile. The more I read him, the more I like him and the more unnerving his stories are.

And then I went to Bradbury, because  he writes some truly chilling, relentless horror under the guise of Sci-Fi. “The Long Rain” and “Mars is Heaven!” are two of his creepier stories. “The Long Rain,” in particular, makes me want to curl into a ball and just stop reading. It seems never to end, much like the Venusian rain.

And now I’ve moved onto Richard  Matheson. Matheson, unlike the other two, is a writer with whom I’m only vaguely familiar. I’ve read I am Legend and I’ve read one or two of his short stories before, though only a few I’d call horror. But I picked up an audiobook recently of his horror works and he is a writer of singular tenacity. His usual M.O. involves an individual and then the slow, tearing down of that individual; a thorough dissection of them, either through their own idiosyncrasies or through external events beyond their ability to withstand.

It’s painful to sit through some of the stories, because they grind slow, but exceedingly fine and on some levels, they’re capable of making me uncomfortable and uneasy.

And I’m learning from him, learning about things that I can take away and add to my own fiction. It’s those little pieces that I’m looking to take away, to add to my abilities and tools as a writer.

And I think I have an idea.

-D-

3 Comments

Filed under Horror

Movie Review: Antichrist (Part 2)

I finished watching Antichrist and, as promised, here’s the second and last part of my review.

After I finished watching it, I needed a hug. It’s an emotionally draining movie; filled with disturbing images and grotesque elements. It depicted vile things and at the end, I wasn’t entirely sure what I had seen. I don’t think I’ll ever watch it again and I doubt I’ll ever be able to recommend it to anyone.

In spite of that and because of that, I’m more than willing to say that this is one of the best horror movies to be made in the last fifteen years. It went to the very limited of my comfort zones and stayed there for the duration of the movie. At no point was I ever relaxed or settling back down. It ratcheted up the tension and kept it here and didn’t allow for a moment of respite.

It’s  moments like this that I long for when I watch horror movies. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to be on edge. I want to be swept up in a tide of relentless energy.

It’s movies like Antichrist that give me hope that the genre will not be completely lost in a sea of senseless sequels and gratuitous violence. There is hope that people can go to the movies and experience true fear. Because if we cannot be scared in a theater, that leaves us precious few options.

-D-

1 Comment

Filed under Horror

Movie Review: Antichrist (Part 1)

It is very rare that a movie scares me anymore. I’m not bragging. It just means I’ve seen too many scary movies. I know how it’s going to end. I know which characters are going to die at which points. I know where the monster will appear and what its name is. It’s all about knowing the tropes and the cliches and the very nature of the genre.

And as I’ve stated many times, fear is about not knowing. It’s about being surprised. It’s about not knowing what’s around the corner.

What’s great, truly great, about modern movies is there are no restrictions. Back in ye olden days, the good guys one, the bad guys died. Some secondary characters bit the dust, but you knew Bruce Strongchin and Betty Blondhairs would be ok in the end. As time went on and 70′s horror lost its sense of right and wrong, the hero stopped being safe. Movies started being shocking again. This was especially true in all those thousands of cult and Satan movies.

Movies could show more and more violence, so they showed more and more violence. And we got inured to violence and shock and horror and yawn. Horror has so much freedom now. It can go places and show things and tell stories that it couldn’t have told in the ’40s, ’50s and ’60s. So what does it do with this freedom?

Torture porn and the human centipede. Modern horror makers, for the most part, seem to feel the necessity to top themselves in an unwinnable attempt to be the most shocking and forget that the best way to scare is to show less and draw out the tension on a razor’s edge.

All this is leading to Antichrist. I’m not done watching it. I got so excited and so bursting with nervous energy that I had to stop in the middle and start writing about it. It made me uneasy. It made me scared and upset and worried and freaked out and oh, there’s no jump scares and there’s no psycho in the woods; it’s all just upsetting imagery and freaky visuals and a tight script and two actors falling deeper and deeper into madness inducing fear.

This is what the freedom allows. It’s not about being able to show every aspect of a decapitation from every angle in excruciating slow motion. It’s about being able to upset the audience. It’s about making people uncomfortable. That’s what good horror does. It’s uncomfortable and uneasy and it makes you squirm and when it’s done you let out that tension in one shaky release of breath.

I have to get back to my movie.

Part 2 tomorrow.

-D-

1 Comment

Filed under Horror